Who am I, anyway?

Readers with long and better than my own memories may recall that last year I was in a huff over Hufflepuff. That is, I took one of those online quizzes like "Which Gilligan's Isle Character Are YOU?" only it was which Hogwarts house would I belong to. And I got Hufflepuff, home of the nice and ineffectual dodos who are mostly in the books to be killed in nasty ways.

Well, recently my wife recommended that I take a serious personality test, one that was much more detailed and nuanced, one that the people in her department had been requested to take to help management make assignments suited to the employees. This test, free online, doesn't just chuck you into one of four houses, but into one of sixteen personality types, based on the good ol' Myers-Briggs Personality Type Indicator. You can try it yourself!

Turns out my wife is a bold Protagonist type, a natural leader who brings out the best in others. Well, I might have guessed that. She's a smart cookie and a tough egg, or maybe a tough cookie and a smart egg. Either way, she's got a lot on the ball and is a real people person.

Me? I am an INFP-T, a Mediator. Not just a Mediator, but a Turbulent Mediator. The worst kind.

Basically, it means I'm a Hufflepuff. That Harry Potter quiz was pretty solid after all.

Why should this bother me? Well, it says that I'm "introverted, idealistic, creative and driven by high values," which sounds pretty good, although introverts often have a rough ride in the work world. As the name sounds, a Mediator can be useful for resolving disputes -- except that they lack leadership capabilities, so no one listens to them. We couldn't lead a pack of first-graders to an ice cream social.

The Turbulent kind is even worse than the other kind, the Assertive type: "85% of Assertive Mediators say they feel comfortable with themselves, compared to 40% of Turbulent Mediators," according to NERIS Analytics. Maybe the thing that irks me the most is that all the things that INFP-Ts are supposed to be best at (creativity, independent thinking, language and expression, and other dorky pastimes) have led me to a career of layoffs, frustration, and wasting time.

Actually, the thing that irks me the most is that the test results sound exactly like me.

But should I even take anything based on Myers-Briggs seriously? According to the happy-go-lucky STEM types at Scientific American, "psychologists say the questionnaire is one of the worst personality tests in existence for a wide range of reasons. It is unreliable because a person’s type may change from day to day. It gives false information ('bogus stuff,' one researcher puts it). The questions are confusing and poorly worded."

What the boffins recommend instead is the Big 5 Personality Test, which is simpler and uses a continuum to score personality types rather than shuffling people into personality categories.

Okay, brainiacs! That test is available here, so I will take it now!

TEN MINUTES LATER

OKAY, TWENTY BECAUSE NIPPER HAD TO GO PEE

And here are the results:

Going by the results as percentiles, I'm one of the most imaginative people around, and exceptionally agreeable; I am, however, not very outgoing, and I'm basically an unstable lunatic who can't be trusted to do things the right way.

Sadly, this also sounds like me.