We know you're concerned about what this will mean, and will it be what you have fought and killed so many racist, sexist, ableist, homophobic, transphobic, speciesist bastards and bystanders for. The short answer is: YES! It is Year Zero! We promised you free education and student loan forgiveness -- and it is yours! We promised you free housing, and it's yours! We promised you free food, and it's yours! We promised free health care, and you have it! We promised an end to environmental despoilment, and it is done! The factories are closed! We promised to cancel your credit card debt, and it is done! We promised to outlaw the police, and it is done! We promised to tear down all racist statues, and there's not a single statue left standing, so I guess we got them all. We promised to get the dead hand of the past off your shoulder, and we burned all the books and churches! And we told Dorothy we would come up with something other than a black flag for the new nation, so we did!
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| Spiffy! |
First, we want everyone to be engaged in meaningful, fulfilling work that is needed to maintain the revolutionary structure. To that end our central committee will determine what each of you will be assigned to do. Do not worry, my friends; all the jobs are necessary and therefore will bring you joy and satisfaction. Just remember, we have more than enough filmmakers, poets, and guitarists already. Some of you with university degrees will be recommended for trade schools, depending on your present skill sets. You can't have too many plumbers, amiright? And we have to get the factories up and running; quotas don't wait!
Second, everyone will be allotted equal housing based on their needs. Large homes are being split up into units. Everyone will have roughly the same amount of living space, except for those whose physical needs or professional requirements cause them to need more. I, for example, will be living in the newly painted Striped House on Pennsylvania Avenue, as it is also an office complex that the central committee will be visiting.
Third, food distribution will be done every Thursday afternoon at six p.m. in designated areas in each major city. Each person will be given an adequate calorie amount in food for the week. Also, in the first delivery you will be informed how much energy you will be allowed to consume between then and the following week. If you use too much, it will be shut off; if this becomes an issue, we may have to examine your case. We cannot allow greed in our new nation; the time of hoarders and wreckers is past.
Fourth, you will each receive in the mail your first voucher for a health visit. Use it wisely, my friends! You would not want to use it for a simple influenza and then break your leg. How unfortunate! How embarrassing! But it is our best means to make sure everyone has the same access to medical care, at least until we get a few more liberal arts majors through medical school.
Finally, I would like to introduce Dorothy XY, our new Minister of Cooperation. Xe will be heading the Cooperative Services department, making certain that all our suggestions are carried out and that the kulaks of the bygone era will have no place in our new nation. To that end, xer Cooperative Departments are being set up in each population area to maintain adherence. Those of you who are identified as community helpers or handy with a firearm or truncheon will be contacted about possible job openings.
That is all for now, friends, until we think of some other things for you to do to promote our glorious future. Unity! Freedom! Social Justice!
Don't give them any ideas
ReplyDeleterbj
Too late, I think
ReplyDelete