Fred!: The Musical.

As we know, major boffo Broadway and movie musicals have been written about famous people. People like Founding Father Al Hamilton (Hamilton), stripper Gypsy Rose Lee (Gypsy), gangster Legs Diamond (Legs Diamond), dictatorial wife Eva Perron (Evita), and guy who played Legs, Peter Allen (The Boy from Oz). Well, I got to thinking that my life has all the drama, pathos, comedy, and intrigue one could want to be a terrific musical. Can't you just see it?

Sure you can!

Now, you might quibble that all those other people are dead, and I am not. A mere technicality. Also, all these people are famous, and I am not. Aha! I reply. I will be famous when this musical opens and takes the Great White Way by storm!

I don't have a script yet, I confess. Nor do I have any songs. Nor can I choreograph, nor dance, nor do I even like dancing. But by God, I have song titles, titles that tell the tale of woe and triumph that means Fred! The Musical. Here's how it will look in the Playbill:

Act I

"Born in a Typewriter Case"
"Drive Ev'ry Expressway"
"There's No Business Like Publishing"
"Red Pencils in the Sunset"
"Another Hundred People (Just Got Onto My Bus)"
"Ol' Man Deadline"
"Suddenly Stupid"

 Act II

"Fugue for Ink-Stained Wretches"
"A Boy and His Blog"
"Gonna Wash That Hair Right Off of My Head"
"We Have Enough Clowns (Send No More)"
"The Improbable Dream"
"Make 'Em Smile Wryly and Say ISWYDT"
"Don't Cry for Me, Staten Island"

 If you have any suggestions for other showstoppers, feel free to leave them in comments. My people will call your people, when I get people.

The plan is to open it in two weeks, when all the other musicals are still closed from the Chinese death virus. We'll be the only show in town! And if The Man tries to close us down? Publicity! Call me, Broadway personages! Let's put on a show!