Fred red.

You probably don't know this, but I have a lipstick named after me. May I present: Fred.

Seriously, it's Fred.

But wait! you say. You, manly traditional masculine man that you are, you do not wear lipstick. And you, or at least your avatar, are not red. Sickly green, perhaps, but not red.

You are correct, sir. And perhaps I am stretching the truth juuuuust a hair when I say that this Fred Crème Lux Lipstick is named after me.

My wife subscribes to a number of YouTube videos, many having to do with her interests in crafts and dogs, but also that of makeup guru Safiya Nygaard. Safiya, blessed with an excellent sense of humor, has made a career of not just doing makeup, but also doing goofy things, sometimes with makeup and sometimes not. She made a cake out of lipstick, which is supposed to be edible -- but it turned out that edible ≠ delicious. She also melted down tons of lipsticks into various "Frankenlipsticks" to see what the dominant colors would be. When she combined a bunch of reds together she got the above shade, called Frankenred, or Fred for short. Then, when she released her own line of lipsticks, Fred came along for the ride. (For the record, she does have a green-gray lipstick, but that one's called Brucie and is definitely not my sickly avatar green.)

So now you're thinking that the connection between myself and this tube of lipstick is even more tenuous than you expected. And you're right.

But you see, when your name is the 881st-most popular men's name in America (at least as of 2002, according to the Social Security Administration), you have to take your wins where you can find them.

So thank you, Safiya, for naming a lipstick Fred and thus helping to keep the name in the public consciousness. Maybe by 2022 we Freds will have climbed up to 860th on the list, thanks to your efforts. And you know just what we'll say: We're No. 860, so we try harder.