Hello, gang, and welcome back to the Humpback Writers, our book club that takes place on Wednesday, thus the stupid name. We could move it to Thursday, but then we'd probably just call it Day After Hump Day Humpback Writers. We're stubborn like that.
Getting back to the salient point: Have you ever wished there was a book that contained every single thing you need to know to enjoy Christmas? I mean everything -- religious instruction, sheet music, recipes, stories, trivia, decoration ideas, party ideas, history, the works? Well, of course you have! But what you didn't know is, it came out more than twenty years ago!
The Everything Christmas Book was published as part of the Everything series by Adams Media, a series that intended to pack an exhaustive amount of material in each enjoyable volume.
No book can have everything about anything, but this one is pretty close. Kudos to the many editors on this project, especially general editors Michelle Bevilacqua and Brandon Toropov. It must have been a huge amount of work.
The book is 470 oversize pages long, and includes chapters containing the legit story of Christmas, Biblical and historical; also great writing about Christmas, including poems like "A Visit from St. Nicholas" and "Christmas Trees" by Robert Frost; stories like "The Gift of the Magi"; the whole of Dickens's A Christmas Carol and other Dickens seasonal stuff; and of course, "Yes, Virginia, There Is a Santa Claus." Also included are chapters on Christmas customs in history and around the world, and information on other winter holidays.
They even have a section of sheet music for songs like "The First Nowell" and "It Came Upon a Midnight Clear" and "Jingle Bells." Gather 'round the piano, everybody!
What else? You want a cookie recipe? There are sixteen, as well as recipes for appetizers, main dishes, sides, other desserts, and drinks. Here's a drink recipe now!
Not to mention the crafts to get the kids involved like cupcake-holder ornaments and paper-plate Santas; homemade presents like bath bags and potpurri; and party games for your guests who haven't drunk too much Cranberry Glogg to participate.
My favorite part of the book includes bits of trivia here and yon. For example: Would you be curious what Americans were watching on TV on Christmas Eve thirty, forty, fifty years ago? One chapter covers the networks on Christmas Eve from 1962 to 1995.
1969:
The Flying Nun
Sally Field stars in the Christmas episode, "Winter Wonderland."
Music Hall
Wayne Newton hosts a seasonal celebration with his guests Julie Budd and the Singing Angels.
Space Cantata
A musical special set to official NASA footage from the Apollo 8 mission.
1979:
A Christmas Special ... With Love, Mac Davis
Mac is joined by Dolly Parton, Kenny Rogers, Robert Urich, and the choir of St. Mary's Church in Van Nuys, California.
Christmas on Sesame Street
Big Bird and the rest of the gang get together for a celebration of the season.
Family
The holiday spirit takes a turn for the worse when Kate learns that Doug is keeping something from her.
1989:
A Christmas Carol
George C. Scott delivers the definitive Scrooge of our time in this rebroadcast of the popular special.
A Muppet Family Christmas
Kermit, Miss Piggy, Big Bird, and the rest of the gang celebrate the holiday.
Bill Cosby Salutes Alvin Ailey
Roberta Flack, Anthony Quinn, and others join Bill in a salute to the world-famous choreographer.
🔴
No 1999? No, because this book came out in 1997. Thus, some information in my edition is dated. One article cautions, "Steer clear of the bootlegs and commercial-jammed 'edited' versions; head down to your local video emporium and check out a copy of the crystal-clear, uncut It's a Wonderful Life for holiday viewing. But get there early -- you'll have some competition!"
You might be thinking, as was I, that the Internet killed the Everything books series. After all, the book may claim to have everything, but the Internet really is a fire hose of information, even if a lot of it is garbage. But in fact the Everything series continues, although it looks like it's given over to puzzles and cookbooks and kids' books now. Current titles include The Everything Kids Baseball Book and The Everything Fondue Cookbook, which seem to be a little less ambitious than this book. I also suspect that Adams Media, a wing of Simon & Schuster, has lost the cheerfulness and mass appeal it once had. Other books include The Modern Guide to Witchcraft and 365 Facts That Will Scare the S#*t Out of You and Weedopedia: An A to Z Guide to All Things Marijuana.
Oh, well. I never thought I'd look back on the nineties as a relaxed and happy time, but it sure seems like it now. God knows what Christmas in America and America itself will look like twenty years from now. But I do take a little comfort in what we've seen and survived before, as noted in the book's chapter "The 20th-Century American Christmas," which includes news items such as these:
In 1931, roughly 5,000 unemployed men showed up to eat a free Christmas dinner of turkey and mulligan stew at one site in Manhattan. The total number of New York City families receiving charity baskets or free meals that year is not known, but it was clearly in the tens of thousands.
🔴"While preparations are going on here, in a mild way to be sure, due to wartime conditions, our little British cousins across the seas have not been overlooked. Old Santa, that kindly bewhiskered man, will pay them a visit through the thoughtfulness of the relief agencies here . . . Of the many thousands (of) toys of various types and descriptions sent across the seas by Bundles for Britain, most of them are soft dolls and animals made from scraps of materials in the sewing looms . . ." (The New York Times, December 21, 1941)
🔴". . . And God called the dry land Earth; and the gathering together of the waters called He seas; and God saw that it was good. And from the crew of Apollo 8, we close with good night, good luck, a merry Christmas, and God bless all of you -- all of you on the good Earth." (Message from Apollo 8 astronauts, Christmas Eve, 1968)
Merry Christmas, everybody and everything.
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