Stamp Fred.

I'm not some stuck-up Hollywood type like Steve Martin, who famously requested a funeral like ol' King Tut at his passing. No, I'll be satisfied if the United States Post Office issues a Fred Key stamp in honor of my long career in writing and editing the English language and, uh, complaining about things on this blog.

Now, before any of you get any funny ideas about me wanting a stamp because I want the whole world to lick my backside, remember that the stamps are self-adhesive now. Maybe I just want to stick around!

Ha-ha!

Never mind.

What brought this on was seeing some Batman stamps recently, stamps I had not noticed but the USPS issued in 2014. Hey, Batman is great and all, but he is a fictional character. I think I have that all over him. I may suck by comparison in so many ways, but hey, at least I'm real.

In fact, the government may wish to go the extra mile with this project and make the Fred Commemorative Coin. This idea is one I also endorse. And hey, maybe it's time to give the dollar coin a shot again.

So, I added some hair on the obverse. Sue me.

The question is, since a coin, unlike a stamp, has a back, what should be on it? Not my rear end; that's silly. Funny, but silly. My childhood home? A portrait of me holding the flag? A pile of old computers that I've burned through? An angry mob with pitchforks? You know, I kind of like that last one.

I'll be glad to take suggestions. What would go on the reverse of the Fred Key coin? Make sure to let me know, and then write to the United States Treasury Department to get them on the job. I'm not going to last forever, you know, and the way I feel today, I think they'd better get started! Oy, my achin' back!