Tuesday, October 15, 2019

Bucks for butts?

After much thought, I've decided to abandon my post about Columbus Day, which I mentioned yesterday. I would not have minded coming up with something half-assed, but I only came up with something quarter-assed. If you want that level of off-the-cuff, poorly considered punditry, you could just go to any mainstream news source. Vitamin Fred readers demand better!

But speaking of half-assery...

Our church needs to renovate its pews. To that end we've been doing a spare-change drive once a month. Over the decades the wear and tear has become pretty bad. Busted kneelers, torn upholstery, missing hymnal holders, everything you'd expect. The funds raised so far have exceeded my expectations -- I figured that the first month everyone'd empty the piggy banks and by month two we'd all be digging between the sofa cushions. But the take has been pretty steady. Maybe we're all just desperate to get the pews fixed. And of course, folding money is also accepted.

My one complaint is that we have no clever name for this campaign. Something zippy that would help keep the campaign top of mind when going about our days, collecting coins. Something like... oh, I don't know...

Pennies for Pews
Nickels for Kneelers
Jack for Backs
Bucks for Butts
Pesos for Posteriors
Treasure for Tushies
Quarters for Hindquarters
Dimes for Derrieres
Greenbacks for Backsides
Booty for Bootays
Dead Presidents for Duffs
Ka-Ching! for Keisters
Riches for Rears
Loot for the Boot
Feed the Kitty for Sittin' Pretty!

Uh...

What you got?
at

4 comments:

  1. Mongo919October 15, 2019 at 10:50 AM

    Cash for Callipygians
    Moolah for Moons
    Cheese for Cheeks


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  2. bgbearOctober 15, 2019 at 12:53 PM

    bench backers

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  3. DanOctober 15, 2019 at 2:14 PM

    Pews? Pre Vatican-II we didn't need no stinkin' pews.
    (I remember attending on-base chapel when we moved on base. It was, of course, multidenominational. Previously had gone to a standard Catholic church. I was amazed that they the chapel had padded kneelers. Padded!!!!

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  4. FredKeyOctober 16, 2019 at 7:34 AM

    High marks to Mongo for the sly Bleat Comments entry!

    And Dan, you know, my wife always calls uncomfortable pews Protestant Seats, because the few mainline Protestant churches she's been to in her life have old wooden pews with 90-degree straight backs to help us pay for sins during the service. This is what comes when you have no doctrine of Purgatory.

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