Wise words.

"Max, Grandpa doesn't have much time. Hurry down. He wants to see you."

Sure enough, Grandpa had taken a turn. He lay in the hospital bed white as the sheet, the only color on the old man from his big brown spectacle frames and the little blue dots on his gown.

"Give us a minute," he told everyone else, and shooed them out with shaky hands.

I knelt by his bed. "I'm here, Grandpa."

"I know." He sighed. "There are some important things you need to know, Sam."

"Max."

"Max, yeah. I knew it was one of those three-letter names."

"Uh-huh."

"With an A in the middle."

"Like Pam or Tag."

"Right. So I-- Tag?"

"Short for Taggart. Anyway, I'm here. Max."

"Who the hell names his kid Taggart?"

"I don't know. I had two of them in my high school."

"Dumb first name."

"Okay, fine. You wanted to say something?"

"Yeah, Sam, it's important."

"Max."

"I'm not Max, I'm Ralph."

"No, I'm Max, not Sam."

"Of course you are. Who's Sam?"

"I don't know."

"Then why do you keep bringing him up?"

"Ah... no idea."

"Must be related to your friend Taggart."

"Undoubtedly."

"Max, I have some words of wisdom before I go to the Great Beyond."

"Yes, Grandpa."

"Are you ready?"

"Yes, Grandpa."

"You don't look ready. You didn't shave."

"It's the modern look. Looks rugged."

"Really? In my day we killed Commies and built skyscrapers and we all shaved. Now you sit at a desk and play with toys and you don't shave."

"Yeah, I guess."

"Rugged. Huh."

"Okay, I'll shave."

"Good. But that's not the wise words."

"Okay."

"Here they come."

"Great."

"Listen closely."

"Righto."

"It's... don't go cheap on the toilet paper."

"...."

"Well?"

"That's it?"

"What? It's important. You're a young man, you want to save money and get ahead, but I'm telling you, you go cheap on the toilet paper, you'll regret it."

"I see."

"You think the roll is cheap, but you have to use twice as much of it."

"Right."

"It makes a mess."

"Yeah, that's--"

"And sometimes it feels like it's sanding down your hinder and you wind up walking funny."

"Buy expensive toilet paper. Got it."

"I didn't say to go spending all your money on toilet paper, I just said don't go cheap."

"Noted."

"No need to max out your cards on TP."

"That would be silly."

"There's no need for gold-plated toilet paper."

"I suppose that might be a little uncomfortable anyway."

"Not absorbent, no."

"Yeah. Okay, well, Grandpa, thanks for the wise words."

"Oh, sure, Tag, that's fine."

"I'm Max."

"Oh, yeah, that's right. Tag is Sam's brother."

"You bet, Grandpa."

"I love you, Max."

"I love you too, Grandpa."

I left to summon back the others, but in the minute I was gone, Grandpa had passed away.

On the way out of the hospital, my dad asked how I was holding up. "After all, I've lost a father-in-law," he said, "but to you that's a blood relative."

"Yeah, Dad. I'll miss him."

"What was the advice he wanted to give you?"

"Uh... I'm not sure if I should tell anyone. He seemed to want that to be between us." And Sam and Tag, maybe, I thought.

"Sure, son, I understand. Well, I hope it wasn't career advice. He was a wonderful guy, but he always had terrible luck in business."

"Really?"

"You bet. He told me once that he had a big deal ready to go, but had to secure a loan from the bank. Well, for some reason when the meeting came he waddled into the meeting room like a crazy man and the loan fell through. Can you believe it?"