Drink mixup.

This is all wrong.

It's not that Ripple is a dairy-free milk, or is so smug about its veganism that it touts itself with the tagline "As It Should Be." Although these things are indeed objectionable. It's that it stole its name from a great bum wine of the past.

Readers of a certain age, or those who just spent too much time watching reruns, will recall that Ripple was the genuine name of an actual E & J Gallo product, a flavored wine that was a favorite of TV's Fred Sanford of Sanford and Son. 

Ripple was a boozehound's drink because it was cheap, though, not because it was strong. It was a fixture on Sanford's sideboard, where he might have a brief cocktail when life sent him disappointments, or victories, or he just felt like it. Basically we were led to believe that Ripple was Fred's constant companion through his day. 

Real fans of the show recall that Fred liked to class things up sometimes by mixing Champagne and Ripple, a celebratory imbibition known as Champipple.

Sadly, however, Ripple is no more. One can imagine that Ernest and/or Julio Gallo got too big for his britches and decided not to quench the thirst of the Sanfords of the world.

I shouldn't be too upset about the smug babies at the new Ripple appropriating the name. The US Patent and Trademark Office lists 386 trademarks with the word "ripple" in them, most of which are dead. But losing "Ripple" as an alcoholic's tipple just takes something out of the culture. I guess we should be glad that we still have classics like Thunderbird, Wild Irish Rose, MD 20/20, and Cisco.

I'm not ashamed to say that I tried Ripple in my youth, but not in the circumstances you may be imagining (Fred standing around with the street crew, singin' doo-wop, pourin' out a little Ripple for my homies). It turned out that the Jewish grandfather of a childhood friend liked Ripple, even though he was not a drinker, and had an ancient bottle in his office. My buddy and I thought it was pretty vile, but it may also have gone off, if such a drink ever could go off.

Ah, well. 

Ed "The Man" Brown hid his bottle in his fire extinguisher. Lou Grant tucked his in his desk. Mr. Howell had a swagger stick filled with good stuff. But Fred Sanford proudly displayed his favorite beverage for all to see. Tells you something about the power of the Ripple.