The Last Stand (Mixer).

I have this idea for a movie that I think would be awesome. Real action-packed, full of thrills for young and old. Middle-aged, too. Plus, cupcakes.

🎥

Trailer for The Last Doughslinger. (All in black-and-white, of course.)

(SCENE: A dark bakery, all tools cobwebbed and dusty.)

NARRATOR (voiceover): In a world where dough is needed, one man was the best of the best.

BAKER (VO): You got the wrong guy. I'm out of the game.

NARRATOR (VO): Then one day... he disappeared.

BAKER (VO): They tried, you know. They tried everything.

(SCENE: Young boy with anxious face.)

BOY: What happened? Where... has all the flour gone?

(SCENE: Baker, in darkness, from behind.)

BAKER: Cakes for gay Muslim dog weddings. Cakes for left-handed Satanic bowling leagues. Cakes for trans-Nazi coming-out parties. Exploding cakes for Methodist terrorists. I refused. And so, lawyers. And more lawyers.

(SCENE: The camera pans over mixing bowls and cookie sheets.)

BAKER: And the fines. Selling Mickey Mouse cakes without permission. Unauthorized use of an offset spatula in a school zone. Then, class actions. Obesity. Diabetes. Tooth decay. Cardiovascular disease.

(Close up)

BAKER: I got tired of mixing it up with them.

(SCENE: Young woman in wedding dress. In the rain.)

WOMAN: My wedd...ing... cake...

(Return to Baker.)

BAKER: I just downed tools and walked away.

(SCENE: The camera pans over... well, pans.)

NARRATOR (VO): But he wasn't quite done.

GUY NAMED BOB: One last mission and we'll never bother you again.

BAKER: Leave me be, Bob! I can't stand the heat, I got out of the damn kitchen!

BOB: One more!

BAKER: Never!

BOB: But it's about...

(Baker looks up)

BOB: ...your daughter.

(MONTAGE of Daughter being grabbed off the street by masked men in a van marked KALE. She's tied up and thrown inside.)

BOB (VO): These men are desperate. They don't fool around. They want the dough, and they don't care how they get it. Half a million scones by Tuesday. And some rugelach. Maybe a few cheese danish. Or else. But I told them no one alive could do that! No one...

BOB: ...but you.

(BLACKOUT. Then:)

BAKER (full face): Get. Me. My. Apron.

(Fade in title)

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What do you think? Liam Neeson, amirite? Or Jeff Bridges.