P&G's other ads.

So Procter & Gamble has had a busy year in marketing already. Especially notable is the Gillette line of shaving supplies, which released a couple of videos. One was for men, telling them they they have been bad and should stop being so toxically masculine; the other was for women, telling them that they are perfect just as they are even if they are morbidly obese... but they'd better shave their legs?

This is a very curious method of marketing: insult your customers or tell them your product is meaningless. I'll be interested to see how it works out.

Meanwhile, I've sent my spies to P&G HQ to see if they can dig up information on their further product campaign plans for the year. Penetration of corporate HQ was made while its marketing team was having nap and cookie time. Thanks to the memos my crack team unearthed, we have the following information on their next product marketing videos for their extensive product line:

Crest and Oral-B, "Let 'em Rot": Video explains that teeth are an expensive nuisance and should be left to rot away.

Tide and Downy, "U Stink But We ♡ U": The message is, get dirty in your favorite clothes and stay that way.

Pampers, "Stupid Babies": Video portrays babies doing dumb things and their parents dumber things; tagline: "Why Bring Them Into an Overcrowded World?" (Cosponsored by Planned Parenthood.)

Olay, "Real Beauty": An art video of human organs, demonstrating that beauty is skin deep, but ugly goes straight to the bone.

Mr. Clean, "Waste": The ubiquitous bald-headed mascot examines the harsh chemicals in his products and commits suicide.

Swiffer, "Eat My Dust": Video features the dust-covered character Miss Havisham from Great Expectations in her moldy wedding gown as an empowered rich woman hell-bent for revenge. Amy Schumer plays the angry spinster.

Always, "Bleed": Starring members of PERIOD, the Menstrual Movement, who are shown setting fire to Always brand products and pummeling women who try to buy them.

Dawn and Ivory, "Soap's On": An education video about the Nazis made soap from concentration camp victims.

Febreze, "Gross": Message -- Human beings stink and should be eliminated.