Thursday, May 23, 2019

Gee, your wasp smells terrific!

Yesterday morning I was taking the dogs around back when I noticed the little bitches hard at work under the deck. No, not the dogs; my guys are male. No, I mean the B-word in the female and pejorative sense, regarding yellow jackets working like demons to build nests. It's a favorite spot every spring, so I am vigilant.

One nest was barely started, but was being constructed by the biggest wasp I've ever seen; the other was a bit further along and I could not see the punk inside. Time to get the spray.

I'm not one of those chaps who can't bear the thought of using poison, lest I imperil the groundwater, the animals and children, the atmosphere, the living things. No, when it comes to yellow jackets, I say Hiroshima the bastards and fast. If I could get them all on a planet and nuke it from orbit, that's what I'd do. 

Unfortunately I had only a tiny bit of wasp-killing spray left -- check the supplies in advance, lads! I mostly had the can of hairspray that sits on the porch, the one used to knock down bees in flight. It's cheap hairspray but nicely scented, and most flying insects get completely gummed up with one good shot. Then I smash them into atoms.

The hairspray was not that helpful in this case. The wasps were too far up to get a good shot; also, hairspray doesn't shoot for distance the way wasp sprays do. It chased them away, but I think it just made them smell nice. They returned after a while.

Beehive!
Fortunately I was able to find a can with just enough wasp poison to chase away the huge YJ permanently, poison her foundation, and kill the nest of the other one. I later went to Home Depot for a double Valu-Pak of poison. I'm allergic to the pests and I'm going to make them allergic to me if they show up again.

So that was my Wednesday -- dead and/or nice smellin' wasps. People get all weepy about the bees, but no one seems too worked up over hive loss with yellow jackets. That's because they're evil. No wonder I flunked them.

(NB: Yes, fellow oldsters, I know Gee Your Hair Smells Terrific was a shampoo, not a hairspray -- in fact, it still is; you can get it at the Vermont Country Store. Unfortunately they still don't have Hai Karate.)

4 comments:

  1. My high school in the late 60s reeked of Hai Karate and English Leather. Even guys who had nothing to shave practically bathed in the stuff. I guess for today's teens it's Axe Body Wash.

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  2. Once when I was a kid I doused a bunch of termites with spray starch(we had no insecticide). They were frozen into interesting, uh, poses. ;>

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  3. I've used hairspray on flying pests too. But like you I make sure there is a nice big can of Wasp Poison always there. I hate yellow jackets with great hot heaping hunks of hate. I will gladly help you nuke them if we can figure out how to get them all into outer space.

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  4. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. lads -- it's interesting how many things are used in a pinch to kill nature's little douchebags. I have to wonder if Axe in high doses would cut them down. It certainly doesn't do me any good.

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