A message from the chairman.

Yes, my friends, it is I, your humble chairman, and I bring you news! News for you long-suffering slaves of the upper classes! Especially I address my remarks today to my fellow furniture -- the hardworking tables of our generation.

Too long were these noble tables chained down, shackled, suffering under the weighty demands of the rulers! All of the old ideas -- tables must support, tables must be strong, tables must stay where placed, tables must stand ready at all times, and when they are old and broken from a lifetime of exploitation, tables must be destroyed! Made to endure hardship and loads, hammers and cards, and food! The endless, groaning feasts of your masters. You have fed them for a thousand years!

And you have endured all this locked and frozen atop those ironically named legs -- legs that do not move, that only weigh down and anchor!

No more!

From this day forth, the legs shall be broken! All tables will be set free, free to float about as they please!

No longer will the tyranny of the rod and stick keep the table where the bourgeoisie demand! The legs shall be destroyed, the tables set free! Free to go wherever their nature bids them! Free from gravity's shackles! Free from the demands set upon them by others who care not for their welfare! Free to be the tables that they want to be, nothing more, nothing less!

Tables of the world, unite! You have nothing to lose but your legs!

💪💣📕

THREE MONTHS LATER