What's with the socks?

Sometimes I wish I were an observational comedian doing bits on TV shows so I could reach an audience with thoughts like these:

"And how about those socks, huh? Used to be you needed two pair, black and white, and they both came halfway up your shin. You see what's going on now? Now they have black socks to wear with your sneakers. If I'd worn black socks with sneakers when I was a kid, I'd have been shot by the fashion firing squad before recess."

Etc.

In the past, my sock dislike was reserved for socks that had too much nylon or other plastic ingredients because they made my feet hot and encouraged athlete's foot. (When I was a youth I suffered for a week with athlete's foot because I didn't know what it was -- I sure was no athlete.) I also objected to socks that covered the calf, because they were usually too tight on my muscular (and fat) legs.

Now, however, I have to add those little ankle socks to my hate list. Who's idea was that? Is pulling up the socks that hard? Sure, if the elastic fails with mid-thigh socks they droop terribly, but I usually bust a hole in the lower part of the sock before that happens. What's the advantage of those little socks? To help your ankles breathe? You're giving up protection for that? I don't get it.

And now, suddenly, I find socks like these below are trying to cut off the circulation to my feet.

Take these socks. Please.

Similar to a set of white Champion socks I got, these Reebok socks are really tight on my feet. It's like my feet are being strangled by angry pixies with a resting body temperature of 140⁰F. They may be designed for support and meant to wick away sweat, but they feel like they were meant for cutting off circulation and encouraging fungus. Can this be right? I guess if you're really into athletic competition you could steer me right on this.

Meanwhile I'm just looking for comfy white socks with my sneakers and well-made black socks with my dress shoes. I was thrilled to see that SockBroker (available on Walmart's site) has the kind of tube socks of my youth that I love, allowing me to literally kick it old-school.

Must get a set. And if that means I am such an old fart that I have to stand on the porch and yell at kids to get off my lawn, so be it.