Hair 'em, scare 'em.

Since my hair decided that we would have to begin dissolving our relationship some years ago, I always thought that the upside was less time thinking about hair. Fewer trips to the barber, less concern about hairstyles and products, bed head and hat head of little notice, much less hair to pull out of drains and sweep off of floors. And indeed, while my wife's got a luscious head of hair, for years there was little attention paid on my part to the keratinous commodity.

Then we got two large hairy dogs.

I've seen this meme going around dog-loving circles:

All I can say is, we must have the most pixie-blessed house in town, if not the state. Spring cleaning came this weekend, and we exhausted ourselves, our Swiffer Dusters, our Eureka floor vacuum, our Bissel Pet Hair Eraser, our Swiffer SteamBoost, our blood, sweat, and tears -- and there's still dog hair around.

You keep feedin' 'em, they'll keep makin' it.

I have to wonder what TV's Burt Ward, who famously houses up to 50 dogs at a time (and runs a dog food company), does about all the dog hair. He's often focused on short-haired big fellows like Greyhounds and St. Bernards and Great Danes, not long-haired hippies like our dogs, but I'm sure he's got a lot of hair here and there. Hell, I've pulled dog hair out of an electrical outlet; we found a hair in the freezer. That glitter goes anyplace it can. How does he deal with it? He must have a staff, but how does anyone deal with dog hair on the industrial level?

It's a constant battle. It's also a testament to our dogs' lovability. But despite it all, we somehow manage to keep dog hair out of the food. So if you ever come to dine here at Seven Keys to Baldpate, you can rest assured that you will never find a dog hair in your pasta fazool. And if you do, it's just glitter.