Girl Scout yogurt.

I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "Say, Fred, how about those Girl Scout Cookie yogurts by Yoplait? As a reviewer of Girl Scout Cookie cereals, and sometimes even Girl Scout Cookies themselves, you must have an opinion."

By gum, of course I do! I'm an amateur pundit, so I have opinions on all kinds of things. Lack of knowledge is no bar to punditry, you know. But in this case I actually went out and bought the three flavors of Yoplait, licensed by the Girl Scouts of America, since branding is all they ever do:

What we have here is a Caramel Coconut yogurt in the Yoplait original line, inspired by the Samoa cookie (also known as the Caramel deLites), in the center. On the sides are two yogurts in the Yoplait Whips! line, a Peanut Butter Chocolate, based on the Peanut Butter Patties (also called Tagalongs), and the Thin Mints, based on the Thin Mints (also called... Thin Mints). Anyone hoping for a shortbread-flavored yogurt is out of luck.

If you aren't familiar with it, the Yoplait Whips! yogurts are light, airy yogurts that have been whipped to fluffiness. Do not write to me about your thoughts of Girl Scouts and whips. That is not what this is about, and you should hang your head in shame.

See? Fluffy.

Despite the fact that the Girl Scouts are so lame as a scouting organization that thousands of girls have forced their way into the Boy Scouts (why, yes, I'm still furious about that, can you tell?), I was willing to try these as a public service to you, the reader. And because I like yogurt and I love cookies.

First up was the Peanut Butter Chocolate. There's no way to sugarcoat this: It was weird and unpleasant. Peanut butter yogurt is bizarre. PB is not bad in ice cream, but the tang of yogurt just doesn't work with it, not to me. The chocolate is all right, and in fact Yoplait makes a chocolate yogurt in the Whips! line that I like, but the peanut butter just ruins everything. It's as lame as... well, as the Girl Scouts.

Next came Caramel Coconut. It's all right, but nothing like a Caramel deLite or Samoa, my favorite of the Girl Scouts' confections. The cookie has coconut and caramel, but also chocolate to tie the flavors together. This yogurt has no chocolate, and thus no richness of flavor. I don't think I would have known it was supposed to be caramel flavored if it were not on the label. Disappointing.

Finally I tried the Thin Mints. Easily the most successful of the three. The chocolate is good, the mint is strong but not too strong. Tastes most like the cookie. Good job on that one, Yoplait.

Interestingly, each of these yogurt cups is 160 calories. That's equal to four Thin Mints, or slightly more than two Samoas (150) or two Peanut Butter Patties (130). How is a low-fat yogurt more caloric than a serving of cookies? Perplexing. I mean, when you eat a yogurt, especially a non-Greek yogurt, you don't feel like you've put anything in your stomach, but you might with a simple serving of cookies. Which is really worth the calories? Is that why we're really all so fat -- we're shoveling down yogurt? Would we be better off skipping yogurt and eating cookies?

Maybe. I'm eating both. No wonder my pants hate me.