2017 Dead Celebrities Complain.

(AP) The Great Beyond, December 29 -- Celebrities who have passed away in 2017 issued a formal complaint this morning against the world's news media, complaining about "a lack of proper coverage" and "dearth of wailing and gnashing of teeth" compared to the coverage of celebrity deaths at the end of 2016.

"While we are touched by the outpouring of sympathy at our deaths," said the late actor John Hurt in a prepared statement, "we are saddened that no one is making a bloody big deal out of our passing the way they did for those who died in 2016. What's up with that?"

In a concurrent statement, Judge Joseph Wapner of The People's Court television show added, "It is clear that the confluence of a number of unfortunate deaths and an election half the citizens disliked caused an outbreak of self-indulgent distress that elevated said deaths to an illusion of apocalyptic status. But at least people cared about celebrities at my rank, or lower, last year. They would have heard about Clyde Stubblefield, certainly."

Ex-Patridge Family singer and ex-living person David Cassidy made no official statement but just said, "Remember that faux Sergeant Pepper album cover? Jeez."

Yes, we do.

Other celebrities who had shuffled off the mortal coil these past twelve months were less concerned about the lack of public concern. "Oh, it's no big deal," said the late Mary Tyler Moore. "Rose Marie just got here and we were chatting about this and that. We're just happy people remembered us at all."

The sentiment was echoed in a way by Haruo Nakajima (deceased), who had played Godzilla in twelve movies. He added, "No one knew I was alive until I died, and soon they'll forget that I was. Sic transit gloria mundi, Tokyo."

Said the late Abe Vigoda with a shrug, "Everyone kept expecting me to die, so I finally complied. What more do you want?"

Others are not so philosophical, however. Necron P. Morguise, president of the Degenerate Dead Pool Gamblers of Cincinnati, told reporters at a press conference, "This year has been a complete disaster. You know how many of us had Peter Marshall, Dick Van Dyke, Marty Allen, Carl Reiner, Mel Brooks, or Jerry Stiller? And Betty White? Holy crap, I don't even want to talk about Betty White. Fortunes were wiped out. Yeah, we finally got Abe and fate threw us a bone with Rose Marie, but come on. Olivia de Havilland is 101; isn't that a bit excessive?"

While disgruntled about their collective lack of attention, the celebrity complainants in general agree that being famous in death is not so bad, "even if our death is not taken asa sign of some national disaster," said the late Bill Paxton.

The non-living Jerry Lewis concurred, saying, "Eh, it's a living."