You look better without my glasses.

Unlike most people when they age, I have become progressively more nearsighted. I could see things close up just fine; but suddenly my astronaut-level eyesight is no longer what it was. Now people start looking blurry from a distance of about thirty feet. But you know what? I find you all look much better!

From a distance, wrinkles are wiped away, smiles are friendlier, and warts are practically invisible. Who needs beer goggles when all it takes is forgetting my glasses? Many an attractive woman has swum through my ken, only to ruin the whole thing by getting too close. Hey, lady, I liked you a lot more back there.

I'm sure she had a fantastic personality. Look at the lute! Musical!

Anyway, now I find my reading vision is starting to go, and eventually I guess you'll all be blurry from any distance if I forget my glasses. Which I probably will do more often. When I'm shaving I don't wear them, after all, and I'm sure it will do my self-esteem wonders when that visage is obscured.