Good Scout.

[NB: Another Fred "Classic" from the old blog, but updated. --FK]

I was a Webelo until the pack dissolved.

I liked Cub Scouts. It was fun, and parents were directly involved, so kids were better behaved than at school. Plus, as we all know, chicks dig a man in uniform. With my blue cap and outfit and yellow scarf, I was a third-grade hottie. It was a little tough to be called a "We-Blow" by some jackasses in my city school, but I have no regrets.

Okay, well, I regret that we didn't sell these.

Anyway, the pack didn't survive being kicked out of the school--long story, not our fault, I swear!--and so I never made Boy Scout. Still, I always try to Be Prepared, following the Scouting motto. Moreover, even as a Cub Scout I considered myself bound by the Scout Oath and the Scout Law:

Scout Oath
On my honor I will do my best
To do my duty to God and my country
and to obey the Scout Law;
To help other people at all times;
To keep myself physically strong,
mentally awake, and morally straight.

Scout Law
A Scout is trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, and reverent.

So I thought it was time I had a look at myself to see how I was doing on these things. Five-arrow scale.

On my honor I will do my best
To do my duty to God and my country

Actually better at these things than I was when I was a kid. Regular church monkey, I am now, but not then. When I was a li'l Bobcat, enthusiasm for America was low everywhere. What the hell did I know? Now I would say that I have to do my duty even if my mood about it is low. That's very tough for a kid. My rating: ↗↗↗↗

and to obey the Scout Law;

We'll get to that.

To help other people at all times;

Hmm... Does that mean every moment I can, or just when they ask? And I guess that wouldn't include cursing people out behind the wheel and stuff, would it? Oy. ↗↗

To keep myself physically strong,

I don't want to talk about it. ↗

mentally awake,

Zzzz... Huh? You say something? ↗↗

and morally straight.

Uhh-- Guilty with an explanation? I mean, I'm better now, but a couple of decades back-- Never mind. I'll go by now. There are advantages to getting old and feeble. ↗↗↗

Now the law exam:

A Scout is trustworthy, ↗↗↗↗
loyal, ↗↗↗↗
helpful, ↗↗↗
friendly, ↗↗
courteous, [except when driving] ↗↗↗ 
kind, ↗↗↗↗
obedient, ↗↗
cheerful, ↗↗↗↗
thrifty, 
brave, ↗
clean, [hygiene good; house less so] ↗↗
and reverent. ↗↗↗↗

Oh, boy. Not a single 5-pointer among them. I'm glad my scoutmaster is not alive to see this. I'd be drummed out for sure.

[More on Girl Scout cookies tomorrow. Those Girl Scouts get all the good stuff.]