Month slogans.

I don't think August is doing a good job of really selling the product so far. By the middle of the month, summer is really running out of steam. Most people have done their vacations. A lot of kids have to go back to school, and all the stores and ads are in the BTS groove. All the better summer blockbusters have come out, along with the megaflops. The culture has moved on, but the temperatures haven't.

The worst heat and humidity, certainly in the New York area, usually hits in August. Merriam-Webster defines dog days as "the period between early July and early September when the hot sultry weather of summer usually occurs in the northern hemisphere," but we all know they really mean August. And yet the days get shorter with each page of the calendar.

So I'm hoping to help August get some love. I think it might be aided with a good slogan, something quick and snappy, to help people think of it fondly. When consumers are predisposed to think fondly of a product, they're more inclined to buy in, you know. Maybe something like:

August: Burn Baby Burn

August: Flies, Folks, and Fun

August: It's Not the Heat, It's the Tranquility

I don't know if these strike quite the right note. It's been a long time since my school days, but August always had one thing going for it:

August: Spend It Wisely 'Cause Algebra Is Coming

Effective, but consumers don't like to be threatened.

Really, a lot of months could use a little boost. For example, December looks fine, but what's really happening? The shortest days of the year and the hint of mortality as the chill moves in. And you'd better love Santa.

December: You Gotta Love Santa

March can be completely miserable, as the weather seesaws around and winter just won't let go.

March: XTREME!

November's just a mess of rain and darkness.

November: Goth Wonderland

Anyone can sell May or June. It takes a pitchman with some true skill to bring folks to loving February.

February: If Winter Ain't Killed You by Now, Maybe You Can't Be Killed

It's an affirmation, see?

Consumers only have so many hours in the day and so many years in their lives, and they want to spend them effectively. Months have to have strong appeal in the marketplace these days. If the guys at TimeAndDate.com want to get me on retainer, I'm sure we can work out some excellent ideas.