Bring Down Big Horse!

DATELINE: JULY 15, 1898, WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President James Weaver today announced a new plan to "free our cities from the grip of the vested interests of 'Big Horse'" and "bring our nation into the twentieth century."

"Too long have we subjected our citizens to the environmentally crushing load of horse manure in our streets, causing disease, disgust, and a stink fit to wake the dead," said the president, a scented handkerchief over his face, from the corner of 14th Street and Constitution Avenue. "Boundless heaps of horse droppings are causing an environmental catastrophe that may well bring an end to human life as we know it. Fortunately today there is an option: the internal combustion engine!"

"The Salvation of Our Cities Is the Internal Combustion Engine"

The president went on to say that with this advanced technology and "America's endless supply of gas and coal, the horse will be obsolete in decades---but only if government acts now."

Mr. Weaver outlined his proposal, including allotting millions of dollars to the Winton Motor Carriage Company, to help the company develop the "auto-mobile."

"Without government intervention and support," he said, "it is a certainty that these 'horseless carriages' will never be successful, will never free us from our dependence on animal power and all the pollution that comes with it, which threatens even the mightiest cities on the globe."

Prominent members of Congress have disagreed with the president's position, saying that if the "auto-mobile" is a benefit for mankind, then consumers will be the driving force behind it, by buying the mechanized vehicles instead of horses.

But Mr. Weaver disagrees. He concluded his remarks by saying, "We can be certain that, unaided by government, no advance will be possible. So I urge Congress to act on my proposals immediately. Failing that, let me say, I've got a fountain pen and I've got a telegraph, and I will ignore Congress and do what must be done."