Dogs got the life.

A lot of people say that dogs have it easy, and when you consider that no dog has ever had to write a check for the mortgage, it's easy to see where the conception comes from. Certainly some dogs have it easy---free food, free toys, people who spoil them, sometimes even breeding privileges. 

Of course, many dogs have terrible lives, and we all know what kinds of things can be included in that category.

And even for the dogs who live well, I wouldn't want to trade the freedom to come and go and get snacks at will for what they got. 

But what I'm getting at isn't the pampered pooches, but the medications for dogs. Here's one:

NexGard is a once-monthly chewable treat that dogs love, and causes the death of fleas and ticks that try to latch on to them. That's crazy good. The grossest thing I had to do in 2015 was pull a live tick out of my chest; you bet I'd like something like this for people. 

And on that score, there is no human vaccine currently available for Lyme disease; there was one, but it was just 78% effective, required a three shots, and was pricey, so people didn't like it and they took it off the market. But my dog gets a Lyme shot annually. 

Wouldn't it be great if some clever chap came up with a candy that caused mosquitoes to die when they landed on you? With malaria, dengue, West Nile, and now Zika all being spread by the little bastards, mosquitoes obviously deserve to die. I've seen some homeopathic pill that claims to repel mosquitoes, but I want something that really works, and preferably kills the bugs dead. 

Could we at least have a collar or maybe a belt that repels fleas, ticks, bedbugs, and mosquitoes? Maybe wasps too? How hard can that be? 

I'm not even asking that they make human drugs taste like snacks. Not all dog meds do, and we don't want little kids mistaking drugs for treats. I just want to kill the vectors that spread disease and itching and grossness. 

And I'm not even going to get into how dogs get to chew things that brush their teeth. I have to rip up my gums with brushes and floss and they get to eat stuff. Not just Milk-Bones and the like, either; the makers of NexGard have come out with a prescription snack (!) to fight dental decay in dogs. And I get tut-tutting from my dentist. The top of the food chain is looking a little suckier right now. 

Come on, Pfizer! You're losing Viagra's patent protection in 2017; get cracking here! You'll need the dough! Save the teeth, kill the mosquitoes. You can do this!