HP, phone home.

Our HP wireless printer/copier/fax is a handy piece of office machinery, and is used almost every day.

No, not just for printing pictures of the dog!

Sometimes I go to coupons.com too.

But the printer is not without its flaws. Some days it decides it is a teenager, and refuses to connect with the rest of the family. Its screen shows that it is connected to the network; you can reboot its connection (at which time it huffily asks why, since it is already connected, Dad!), and it still remains unconnected. You have to reboot the modem and router and sometimes unplug the cable from the wall for a period of three minutes or more before it will come out and play.

Every time that happens -- or I got to buy toner -- I look at the thing and say, "This is why Carly Fiorina is on the golf course instead of out in front in the presidential race."

Yesterday it demanded a blank sheet of paper for a self-diagnostic, and produced this:

What the hell is that supposed to be? I've had printers produce still-lifes with fruit as frame-quality art for a self-test. But this?

It can only be... some kind of alien message!

Probably just some bizarre means of testing the printer heads or whatever they have in there. So, most likely not anything alien-related.

Still, it wouldn't hurt to brush up on my alien languages, just in case.