Be glad they have not put up a Viagra guy.

I enjoyed the Super Bowl this year, but I avoided the halftime show. Also, the commercials were the usual parade of crass garbage, freakish nightmare fuel, and maudlin sentimentality, and to hell with them.

Lately I've been getting especially annoyed by prescription medications that are enlisting animated versions of our own body parts against us. We got the latest installment of Toe Theater during the game, thanks to Valeant's antifungal medication, Jublia.

Your toe is fierce. 

Sometimes you can't always tell what body part is nagging you. This blob looks like a heart, but is supposed to be your bladder. He's on your case to try Myrbetriq, by Astrellas.

He doesn't know what it does, but he just needs some. Don't you want a happy bladder?

Some people think that the absolute worst anthropomorphic body part is the intestines, as seen by Gut Guy, the mascot for Xifaxan by Salix:

He's all tied up at the moment.

You have to admire the animators, who probably took to drink when given the assignment. "Okay, Aaron, give me a friendly pile of intestines, something for people to watch while the voiceover guy reads the disclaimer. Make him cute."

"A cute pile of intestines."

"Great, you got the idea. By Tuesday."

Gut Guy---and that is his trademarked name---has got to be the grossest animated body part, right? Not like someone would come up with something really bizarre, like Pete the Prostate.

Oh.

I don't think that Actavis named Rapaflo's spokesorgan Pete, but it would figure, wouldn't it?

I don't see an end to this. Diabetic meds are going to have people being followed around by a pleading pancreas. COPD sufferers will be chased by a pair of irritating lungs. Not to mention:

Relieve chronic spleen pain with SPLEENQINEX!

Don't let strep throat hang around! Try new UVULAX!

It's bound to happen. They're going to keep doing this. Maybe I should get in on the mascot action. (I wrote the book on advertising mascots, as you know---or at least, A book.)

Drug companies interested in using my designs for Spleeny or Uvula Jack can contact me at frederick_key AT yahoo.com. I accept large cash payments by check, money order, PayPal, wire transfer, and briefcases stuffed with bills. Thanks a lot.

And remember, I'm kind of a pill myself.