Seeing.

As I was saying yesterday, I've been enjoying the Christmas season this year. It hasn't stopped me from being petulant about things, like the freelance job I didn't want to do but felt obliged to, both for the money and for the goodwill with the editor. I've also been under the gun with a few other projects, and one reversal that really made me question whether I should have gone to bricklaying school instead of college. (Answer: Probably.)

And of course with the rest of the world going to hell, it's pretty easy to feel like life, in the personal (micro) and general (macro) sense, is just a waste of matter and energy. Not like the matter and energy had much else going on, but still.

I pray a lot; it's the best thing I do, I think, although I am not really good at it. It was recommended to me that I turn my insoluble conundrums over to God, and I am trying.

I've also heard that life is like a tapestry, that we only see the back end now, where it's all tangles and knots; but one day we shall see it from the other side, where all the patterns are known, and it all makes sense.

One morning I was in a church when it was still quite dark out, and I noticed that the windows looked like a jumble of darkness and shadows, signifying nothing.

It's when the light came through it that things began to make sense.

To resolve---in the sense of determination into colors and shapes; in the sense of discovery; in the sense of successful discernment; in the sense of determination to be.