Cheese nog.

There's a rumor going around the house that the dog is either trying to invent cheese nog, or is planning to get me to invent cheese nog for him.

What is cheese nog? Cheese nog is a festive beverage for doggies that features the delicious taste of cheese.

Word is, the dog saw it in a dream.

Artist's impression

That the dog, Tralfaz, loves cheese is a matter thoroughly documented. Of all the high-value treats we have used to motivate and train him---high-priced snacks, chicken hot dogs, peanut butter, etc.---nothing has worked as well as cheese. 

I've tried to explain that cheese nog would be a very difficult beverage to design for a non-food scientist type like me. "Cheese is heavy, and will sink," I said. "It does not dissolve; it will separate and become a wet cheesy pile at the bottom of your bowl." He seemed unimpressed. Either he has boundless faith in my ability to solve puzzles of chemistry, or he doesn't see much wrong with a wet cheesy pile on the bottom of his water bowl. 

I know there are liquid cheeses of a kind, Cheez Whiz and Easy Cheese and salsa con queso and the like, but they are still too thick to really pass for nog. 

No dice.

So we're at a kind of an impasse. 

But the pressure for me to come up with a cheese beverage continues. In fact, I found this note on a scrap of paper that had been slipped into my shoe:

If only ther wuz cheezy nog
a bevrege sweet and yummi
to giv to gud lil puppi dog
to put into his tummi

I'm concerned that we've already escalated to assault cuteness. I'll keep you posted.