Food chain jealousy.

So there I am Saturday, working away, and where is the dog? Tralfaz is enjoying a restful snooze in a spot by the A/C vent, relaxing until it is time for his treat. Maybe later he'll take a turn in the yard, see if the deer left him any presents. Me, I'm trying to pile up billable hours to pay for everything.

For this I made it to the top of the food chain?

I have long been taught not to compare my insides with others' outsides, for one never knows what secret sorrows and insecurities gnaw at the breast of one's fellows. That said, Mr. Dog looks pretty cheerful no matter which way you look at him.

I thought I might compare the advantages of being the human to being the canine. Maybe there's something I'm overlooking. Here is the list I drew up:

ME: Control of the larder      

DOG: Which he can access food from by being cute, in addition to his two solid meals daily

ME: Have to go to store with money earned by the humans, buy food, schlep it home

DOG: Can get treats just by being cute 

ME: If I go wild and attack dog, it's my fault

DOG: If he goes wild and attacks me, it's my fault

ME: Lifestyle requires long hours of work

DOG: Lifestyle requires long naps

ME: Toys come from Best Buy and cost a fortune

DOG: Toys come from PetSmart or, even better, the lawn, and cost little or nothing

ME: Have to write checks for the mortgage, electric bill, cable bill, water bill...

DOG: Does not have to write checks for the mortgage, electric bill, cable bill, water bill...

ME: Can drive a car wherever a car may go

DOG: Has no idea that there's anyplace you would want to drive a car to; therefore doesn't care

ME: Can use the comfortable climate-controlled bathroom

DOG: The entire world is his bathroom

ME: But for baby and wisdom teeth, got all my original parts

DOG: Um....

You know what? Maybe it's not so bad being the human after all.