Pluto speaks!

If you used Google recently you know that we have been breathlessly waiting for word from Pluto. If you were in a cave instead, you may be wondering if we'll be hearing from Goofy and Donald next. Or if Pluto is so embarrassed by the Greek bailout that he's refusing to go by Hades anymore.

No, silly, it's the planet Pluto! Wired announced "Pluto Will Send Earth a Love Letter Tomorrow." What does this mean?

Well, Pluto apparently has a heart-shaped feature on it, and when the New Horizons probe flew by it was expected to get a good shot of it. Awww, cute, right?

WRONG!

My NASA contacts have managed to get me the actual "love letter" from Pluto picked up by the probe---not only is there no heart-shaped nothing, but the message from Pluto was less than loving:

Also heard was "Come out here and say it, punks!" and "I'm moonin' you with all five moons! You only got one! And you call yourselves a planet? Hey, you know what we got in common? No intelligent life!"

They get pretty touchy out there in the Kuiper Belt, don't they?