Fred for 2024 Summer Olympics.

I hadn't heard that Tokyo was getting the 2020 Summer Olympics until recently. Well, good for them! It will have been 56 years since they had it last, and I say a world-class city like that deserves it. In 1964, though, they didn't actually start the games until October 10, because it's so freaking hot in the summer in major cities. In 2020 they're starting July 24, because maybe by then the bright guys at Toshiba will have come up with a weather-control machine.

I see they have not yet selected the site of the 2024 Olympics, and I have an idea for a cooler venue. I was looking at the potential sites: Boston (where most of the residents don't want the Olympics), Rome (hotter than Tokyo), Nairobi (I will personally host the Olympics before Nairobi does)---and then it struck me. I will personally host the Olympics! I'm entering my bid now.

We have a lot of room; we can handle it. The street is a good size for running and cycling events, maybe at the same time. The backyard is good size, if you don't mind the occasional deer poop, and there's a drainage pond nearby that I'm sure can be used for rowing and diving.

It's not like I don't have any history with the Olympics. Au contraire, as we internationalists say. It was young Fred who wrote the lyrics to the Olympics film Chariots of Fire:

I'm running to Paris
What else can I do?
I'll bring home the bacon
Except I'm a Jew

Ah'm runnin for Scotland
Ge oot of mah way
Nobody ca fathom
A word tha Ah say

We're dashing across the sandy beach 
We're sprinting like dogs
We're wearing our training suits of wool
And sweating like hogs

It goes on. Inspirational, n'est-ce pas?

So I think my neighbor and I can get down to the Home Depot for two-by-fours and knock together some grandstands, if the dog stays out of the way. But a small advance from the International Olympic Committee would really help. Come on, guys! We even have a slogan:

Fred 2024: Fire in the Hole

Catchy, huh? Sums up the Olympics and my homemade chimichangas!And remember, however crappy my opening ceremonies are, they'll still be better than the ones from the last two Olympics.