Amazing weight loss plan!

Trees! Do you want to lose 10, 20, even 30 pounds? Are you tired of being called "full-figured"? Do you wish you had the bony look associated with Hollywood stars and fitness celebrities?

It's easier than you think! Just use Autumnal Equinox, the new weight-loss plan that's sweeping the northern parts of the nation!

Look at the amazing results of Autumnal Equinox in just three weeks*!

BEFORE                                                                                                   AFTER

And it's so easy! Just expose yourself to strong winds and diminished temperatures and light, and Autumnal Equinox does the rest! The excess weight just disappears**!

"Nothing worked until I tried Autumnal Equinox. I couldn't believe how easy it was! It's incredible!"

Order your Autumnal Equinox today and we'll throw in some green bark mold absolutely free! Operators are standing by! Call NOW!

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*Results completely typical.

**Autumnal Equinox is not recommended for fir trees and other evergreens, palm trees, or small houseplants. May cause seasonal affective disorder. Foliage may not return if you die over the next six months in the dead miserable cold. Autumnal Equinox must be taken with Winter Solstice whether you like it or not. Use only as directed.